Murder & Mayhem

Sometimes......

2012-01-30T17:32:00.001-08:00

.....translations go very, very, wrong.......

Eye Opener

2012-01-08T15:24:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was forcibly retired when I turned 60, I've been able to take my kids to school. It didn't take long to notice how the precious little snowflakes were dressed.

The little boys?....mostly jeans and t-shirts. Not a wannbe GangBanger in the bunch.

The young ladies?....Well, I haven't seen so much intentional cleavage since I was at the Penthouse Club in Vegas. And their pants, shorts, skirts? Sometimes hard to tell if it's fabric or paint.

I was - confused. How could responsible parents allow this? Then I had a chance to go to Parents Night at the school. The young ladies???? Dress exactly like their middle-aged mothers...Too much cleavage, pants too tight, skirts too short.

Geez, ladies - grow up and teach your kids how dress with class - not crass.

A Good Catholic Joke

2011-12-24T11:07:00.000-08:00

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand?..
..Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY FOR HOURS!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Public Service Announcement

2011-11-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

THIS
is why we need the NRA.

Damn

2011-11-13T15:18:00.001-08:00

If I only had the money.........

Well, maybe.........

You're Cutting Off My Free Food????

2011-11-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

Blood?
Urine?
Death Threats?

Yep, courtesy of those peace-loving, left-wing, socialist, anarchists, asswipes commonly referred to as "Occupy Wall Street Protesters."

Bumper Stickers

2011-11-03T10:39:00.001-07:00

I got an email the other day with a bunch of new bumper sticker images. These are 2 of my favorites.

Well, shit.........

2011-10-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

According to the Mayans, Aztecs, Mason, Mormons, Vikings, Nostradamous, George Bush, Jimmy Carter, Green Bay Packers and who knows who else, the dreaded Zombie Apocoplypse is supposed to happen December 21, 2012.

Mine started today. My 16-year-old little skull full of mush just passed his DMV written test...........

Be Afraid, Drivers, Be Very Afraid............

I sometimes just don't understand.........

2011-10-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

It's a damn nice couch, comfy, not necessarily expensive, but not really cheap, fully recline-able and THIS is how he watches TV.

I think I need this.....

2011-10-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

....and Webster's need to add a new definition.

Well............

2011-10-11T12:25:00.001-07:00

After almost a year of self-imposed exile, forced retirement (CA thinks I'm too old to be productive), rehab, therapy and counselling, I thought I'd drop in and see what was happening.

Ya'll have a great day now........

Gun Wisdom

2011-01-17T10:28:00.001-08:00

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware of the man who only has one gun, because he probably knows how to use it very well.

'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose both.

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not..." - Thomas Jefferson

And he 'lived'

2010-08-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm all in favor of Entrepreneurs

2010-08-18T09:34:00.001-07:00

But I'm thinking hookers going door-to-door is just a bit over the top.

Click to Embiggen

2010-08-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ya know......

2010-08-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

This ain't a bad idea, as long as you're not in an area where the water table is about 18" below the ground

If you haven't seen, you really need to watch....scary

2010-08-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

The problem with public housing is that the residents are not the owners.

2010-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

The people that live in the house did not earn the house, but were loaned the property from the true owners, the taxpayers. Because of this, the residents do not have the "pride of ownership" that comes with the hard work necessary. In fact, the opposite happens and the residents resent their benefactors because the very house is a constant reminder that they themselves did not earn the right to live in the house. They do not appreciate the value of the property and see no need to maintain or respect it in any way.

The result is the same whether you are talking about a studio apartment or a magnificent mansion full of priceless antiques. If the people who live there do not feel they earned the privilege, they will make this known through their actions.

The pictures below illustrate the point…

The Resolute Desk was built from the timbers of the HMS Resolute and was a gift from Queen Victoria to President Rutherford B. Hayes.

It is considered a national treasure and icon of the presidency.

With all due respect, get your F@k#n feet off our desk!

Why my mazon shipment is always late

2010-08-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

Soooooooooo.....

2010-08-02T10:01:00.001-07:00

I was bored this weekend and was just cruising the InterWebs when I found this for sale. I found it rather "disturbing". Click the pic, of course,to read the description.

Interesting

2010-07-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is good news or bad news!

News Flash

2010-07-21T13:04:00.001-07:00

Not going to end well

Sad, but true

2010-06-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

A short spelling lesson

2010-06-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

The last four letters in American..........I Can
The last four letters in Republican.......I Can
The last four letters in Democrats.........Rats

End of lesson. Test to follow in November.

Remember, November is to be set aside as rodent extermination month.

Very interesting test

2010-06-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

A Short Neurological Test

1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!

-------
eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.

Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

How to tell if you're gonna have bad day....

2010-06-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

When the police are at your front door to deliver your 11-year-old AT 1AM!!!

Military Intelligence?

2010-06-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

This is why that's a oxymoron.

Check it out.

We've all heard that the President has ordered about 1200 (?) National Guard troops to the border. It looks like California is gonna be sending some. So, we got our marching order's last week - "Develop a plan."

Ok, how many people?
Don't know.

When?
Don't know.

Where?
Don't know.

For how long?
Don't know.

When do you want the plan?
Yesterday.

How to upgrade your ride

2010-06-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

May 31st, 2010

2010-05-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

Got this in an email from MilBlogging.com. Had to share it. I'm sure they won't mind.

Memorial Day is day is a time to honor all of our fallen in the military – and I thought this year on Milblogging.com I’d help honor the sacrifice of Military bloggers as well as Gold Star family members who share the loss of their loved ones through blogging.

In August 2009, PV2 Bryce E. Gautier a Combat Medic who was based in Mosul, Iraq, was killed by a suicide bomber. He was one of five soldiers killed when the Suicide attack occurred. Bryce regularly wrote on his MySpace blog where he shared his military experience with friends and family.

In September 2009, Jordan Shay, who wrote Military Blog "Through Amber Lenses", Tweeted Under the Username @RegularGrunt. A lex Horton of Army of Dude wrote a wonderful story about Jordan here.

Just last month, Air Force Captain, Jenna Wilcox, died from injuries suffered when a tire exploded in her lap. Though she was no longer on the frontlines, she had survived a roadside bomb attack in Afghanistan, and had only been home a short time before the fatal accident occurred. Her husband, who also serves in the military, was with her at the time. Captain Wilcox ran a military blog from Afghanistan called Jenna’s Blog.

There have been several bloggers within the Military community who have given the ultimate sacrifice. Here are the names and links of men and women who have died within the Military blogging community.

[More here]

A new supermarket...

2010-05-28T09:31:00.001-07:00

...opened in my area.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.

Bored at breakfast

2010-05-28T07:14:00.001-07:00

Impromptu Tic-Tac-Toe

Global Warming?

2010-05-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's 2 days before Memorial Day weekend. You know - picnics, camping, boating and all that summer stuff? Yeah, not so much.

The average temperature for May 27 is about 85. It's not even going to hit 70 today. It's pouring down rain, which is very, very rare this time of year. Both highway 80 and highway 50 were closed this morning because of SNOW!

Squaw Valley Ski resort, for the time in history, is re-opening this weekend because of all of the SNOW!

HEY - ALGORE - are you listening???????

UPDATE: Squaw Valley operators have just announced their goin to be open the first weekend in June!

Pay Attention, Please

2010-05-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

I received this email from a friend. Please read. Thanks

With Flag Day coming up on the 14th of June and the 4th of July fast approaching, we'd like to see a national, viral movement to celebrate our country and those special holidays with the playing of James' song The Pledge. It is reminiscent of Ray Charles' America the Beautiful in its heartfelt sentiment.

All over this country, it has been increasingly un-PC to say the Pledge of Allegiance and to wear anything with the flag on it. We'd like to see Americans show their pride in their country and to quit being ashamed of being a patriot! The Pledge of Allegiance is not just to the flag, but to our republic, our country, our motherland. It would be awesome to hear that song playing and looped while Old Glory flies over yards across this nation.

The song can be downloaded at iTunes here:

Please help us push this out to every American. I will be contacting my local country stations to request the song be played and it would be great to see that suggestion put out there also. I suspect the top 40 stations won't play it because it's ok to talk about hookups and getting wasted, but not ok to show a little patriotism. On country stations, they tend to appreciate where we live and how hard our military works to keep us safe.

2010-05-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Not News

2010-05-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

I hate to burst this guy's bubble, but I've been running electronics through the dishwasher for years. This ain't exactly cutting edge stuff. The only trick is making sure the stuff is totally dry before you plug it back in.

An Unfortunate Reality

2010-05-17T15:06:00.001-07:00

WTF?

2010-05-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

The economy is in the toilet (pun intended).
Terrorists are still attacking us.
Iraq.
Afghanistan.
Massive oil spill in the gulf.
Tornado devastation in the Midwest.
Massive flooding in Tennessee.

And these assholes are debating BATHROOM PARITY!!!!!!!!!!

W. T. F. ??????????

Oh, BTW, I've been using women's bathrooms for years if I gotta go.

Sooooooooooooo......

2010-05-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

What's been happening around Case De Drug Bust?

Well, sometime Monday morning, all the fire alarms went off at the elementary school cause someone tried to torch one of the boy's bathrooms. My Little Snowflake was seen near the bathroom AND someone said they saw him with a Bic Lighter. The school called me to give me the details.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, when I got home from work, I sort of strip searched him, found no lighter and then moved on to his back pack.

Welllllllllllllllllllll, guess what I found in a small empty pill bottle in the back pack? Guess, go ahead. And it just a little but, but still.
.

I called the school and notified the principal, cause I thought she should know.

Five day supervised suspension, but thankfully, no police involvement.

Waiting on the results of the piss test.

Investigation into the fire continues.

Hopefully things will get better..............

UPDATE:

The tests came back clean on both kids.

15 Things my Mother Taught Me

2010-05-10T12:28:00.000-07:00

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

2. My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

11. My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Having a bad day?

2010-04-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

Probably not quite as bad as this guy. Both him AND his dog got a sexually transmitted disease from his girl friend. And then it gets weird.

Arizona

2010-04-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

And this is why Arizona needs that new law.

I don't know what this is, but I want it!

2010-04-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine anyone would think this is a good idea

2010-04-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

A padded bikini top for a 7-year-old.

This is how you make a connecting flight

2010-04-14T13:44:00.001-07:00

Westboro Baptist Church 'Pwnd" in WVA

2010-04-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

More here

This is not a spiral

2010-04-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

I have broken the code

2010-04-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

OBAMA. It's not a name, it's an anagram.

One
Big
Assed
Mistake
America

Thank you

Now come on that's funny!

2010-03-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

Took a Cadillac Escalade out for a test drive just to drive that sucker before they become extinct.

The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all its wonderful options. The seats were of particular interest.

He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I stated the car must be a Republican car.

Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican car and I explained that if it were a Democrat car, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership...

It had to happen

2010-03-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

Pipedream Products (they sell adult sex toys) currently has a Tiger Woods blow-up sex doll for sale. Well, at least until the lawyers get done with them.

Use extreme caution, NOTHING on this web site is safe for work, small kids or the squeamish.

I've been thinking.....

2010-03-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

....and I've come to the conclusion that sex is a lot like air. It's no big deal and not something you think about till you aren't getting any.

2010-03-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord....

2010-03-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here's one way to save gas

2010-03-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

But don't try this at home....

Melbourne, Australia

2010-03-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

From hailstorm to Armageddon in mere minutes

Time to shred the Credit Cards

2010-03-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

I got my American Express statement yesterday, and because of new rules, right in the middle of the statement was a pay-off disclaimer.

The balance on the card was about $1650. Minimum payment was $32.00.

Here's the disclaimer: If I make no further purchases and only make the minimum payment, it would take 13 YEARS to pay off the balance and at the end of that 13 years, I would have paid a total of slightly more than $2900.

I'm paying them all off and burning them............

2010-03-04T11:54:00.000-08:00

Click it to make it bigger. Original link here. I think they got this one wrong.

Australian TV Show...

2010-03-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

Hungry Beast
Lead story - surgically altered vaginas

"Hungry Beast - Vaginas"

Seems like an appropriate match.

Jury Duty

2010-03-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

JUDGE: Is there any reason you could not serve on a jury in this case?

ME: I don't want to be away from work for that long.

JUDGE: Can't they do without you at work?

ME: Of course they can, I just don't want them to know that!

An unusual start to a marriage

2010-03-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

This is probably not the ideal way to start a new life.

Out of the mouth of my 11-year-old

2010-03-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

"Trust your pilot, respect your Monkey."

I have no idea.

ObamaCare

2010-03-01T15:20:00.000-08:00

The religion of intolerance strikes again

2010-02-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

Uncivilized Tactics at UC Irvine (Rough Cut)
You be the judge

Epic Train WIN!

2010-02-26T09:28:00.001-08:00

Not sure I can explain this........

2010-02-24T07:39:00.000-08:00

Guess he's just having one of his 'moments.'

Been gone awhile

2010-02-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

Last week the kids were out of school so the teachers could be 'furloughed'. So, I decided to take the week off, too.
We did some skiing -
Lift tickets for 2 days $275.
Lunch: Cheeseburger, fries, chips, soft drink $25
Bloody Mary's $9

Spending the day with the kids without being in front of a TV, video game or computer? Worth every penny.

This is strange

2010-02-24T07:14:00.000-08:00

I noticed this on above a video on LiveLeak. I don't know if it's a rotating ad or not, but I went back to the link a couple of times and it was still there.

Israel Girls
Israel Girls - Deals! Save on Israel Girls
www.DealTime.com

Airport Body Scanners

2010-02-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

First I was against them, but now that they've pissed off these people, I'm all for them. Bring it on!

2 Words

2010-02-12T07:30:00.001-08:00

Whiskey Tooth Paste. Ah, the good old days.
(House and Garden magazine, 1961)

Have You Seen This?

2010-02-09T11:19:00.001-08:00

Hilarious!

Super Bowl

2010-02-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

The halftime show was "The Who".

Looking at those guys, and remembering when PinBall Wizard came out, sure makes me feel older than dirt.

And they sang so bad, and screwed up some of the lyrics, that it was kind of refreshing to 'know' they weren't lip-syncing.

But it was still a good show, good songs and brought back some long, lost memories. And the oone dude was playing the same guitar I just bought the bug - a Fender Stratocaster! Slightly different model, but still...........

Saturn V Launch

2010-02-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

The world's largest model rocket. Come for the launch, but stay for the landing. A feat even NASA couldn't pull off.

OBAMA

2010-02-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

'We Are Climbing Out' of Economic Hole'

What a jerk.

I'm a simple person

2010-02-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

You know, all I wanted for Christmas was one of these...And one of these.

I got the Colt. Guess hitting 50% ain't so bad.

A strange conversation

2010-01-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, me and the boys were in my room watching TV.
I was in my recliner, they were lounging on my bed.
I let out a rather noisy - 'fart'.
My 11 year old turned to me and said......

"DAD, DID YOU JUST LET A QUEEF'?

I had do go to Wikipedia to find out what that meant.

I'm slightly "Disturbed."

Obama

2010-01-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

As much as I don't like the guy, I personally think he's done okay with this whole Haiti thing. I think we've got as much on the ground there as is humanly possible. There will be more, but I suspect the gang situation will be pretty much out of control by then and someone - whoever's providing security - is gonna have to start shooting the looters and the roving gangs of machete wielding thugs .

And, according to this Fox News Report, these same thugs have reportedly been using corpses to set up roadblocks in the capitol to protest the delay in getting food and supplies in. Yeah, that's really gonna speed things up. Shit's getting out of control down there, real fast.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

2010-01-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

Limbaugh - you're a dick. And I totally agree with Roger Ebert.

My Neighbor

2010-01-12T20:17:00.000-08:00

Across the street, couple of houses down. Helluva nice guy, quiet, always a kind word. Retired from HP, no wife, no kids, spends all of his spare time working on his house, landscaping, etc., and an avid cyclist. AND under investigation by the FBI for computer crimes (child porn(?)). Well, the investigation ended this weekend when he was found with a self inflicted bullet hole in his head.

Can life really be that bad?

These Clowns Just Piss Me Off

2010-01-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

Look closely at the image. His coat has buttons on the correct side, the wedding rings are on the left ring finger, but look at where their hands are.

For those who wonder, Americans place their RIGHT hand over your heart.

And just look at her face, really enjoying the moment, isn't she?

Now is it just me....... Are both of them as dumb as they appear??

It's So Cold

2010-01-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

The Zombie Test

2010-01-10T10:08:00.001-08:00

Created by Oatmeal

A Not-so-safe house

2010-01-08T09:04:00.000-08:00

These guys are doing a better job than we are!

Now this....

2010-01-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

...brightened my day. 14 terror suspects blow themselves up.

The Wrap-up

2010-01-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas, finally, has come and gone. No longer a huge event around my house, but the kids did get some cool stuff that still has their attention. The big hit this year was a pair of 'real' RC cars.

New Year was another dud. Asleep by 9pm, no where to go, no one to go with. Oh well, better than getting drunk and having a nasty hangover.

Marked the 3rd anniversary of my wife passing. It doesn't get any easier.

Kids have been sick with the flu - again. Had it real bad the end of September, got them flu shots in November anyway and then BANG! Down again last weekend. Has to be different strains.

And finally, 246 days away from retirement.

To All My Friends and Family

2009-12-25T17:34:00.000-08:00

Even though there really aren't very many of you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Global Warming

2009-12-24T12:05:00.001-08:00

Kicking some MidWest Ass!

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

2009-12-23T07:26:00.000-08:00

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year

I just couldn't resist

2009-12-16T10:08:00.000-08:00

Seperated at birth?

2009-12-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

Phone Bill From Hell

2009-12-14T18:07:00.000-08:00

I got my cell phone bill today. Nearly $500. My youngest, he's 11, managed to rack up nearly $400 in text messages. 300+ received, 200+ sent. His phone, obviously, has been confiscated...
He thought texts were free.

I heard a rumor..........

2009-12-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

.....It's been snowing a lot.

Long Distance Phone Charges from Hell

2009-12-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

The devil replied,

"Since Obama became President of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's only a local call."

A Salute to the Big Wave Surfers - WIPEOUT!

2009-12-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

Crank up the speakers!

Darwin Wins Again

2009-12-10T13:54:00.001-08:00

Just how drunk do you have to be to shove a TV remote up your butt?

This looks like so much fun!

2009-12-10T13:53:00.001-08:00

Global Fuckin Warming....................

2009-12-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

....Just snowed all over my house. No, it's not a lot and it'll melt soon, but this is the first snow around here since 1976!!!!

News Flash

2009-12-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

PUBLIC SEX TENTS.

You decide

Weird Fact of the Day

2009-12-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 03:

A hobbit isn’t just a small, hairy-footed creature from The Lord Of The Rings books – it also used to be a unit of measurement in Wales. A hobbit measured either volume or weight – how much a hobbit weighed depended on what it was made of, so a hobbit of wheat would weigh more than half as much again as a hobbit of oats.

You're welcome

This year's Woods Family Christmas Card

2009-12-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

This photo has been ALL over the Interwebs

2009-12-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

And I have two things to say about this.
1. It has to be fake. PhotoShop is such a powerful tool.
2. No airline in the US would EVER allow a passenger to hang out in the aisle like that. It's a total safety hazard. AND, you can't get the drink cart through.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T08:37:00.001-08:00

And why I don't eat pumpkin pie!